Robbie The Walking Talking Miracle.

I just returned to Los Angeles from Charlotte where I spent the better part of a few days visiting with Robbie in the hospital. Before my arrival Robbie had been in ICU, but on Monday they moved him to his own room and that's where he was when I arrived on Tuesday. I cautiously entered the room, not sure what to expect. I guess I had prepared myself for the worst, worried a bit that Robbie would be in really bad shape and possibly that he even may not remember me. When I got there I found his sister Judy, friend Scott, Hedi, Nicole and another couple who were all waiting for Robbie to come out of the bathroom. After a few minutes Robbie came out and gave me a what-are-you-doing-here type of look. He didn't look pale or tired, and besides the 8" scar left by the brain surgery that runs along his hairline roughly from his widows peak to somewhere near his left side burn he looked liked the same old Robbie.

He shows almost no signs of paralysis, although if one were to be nitpicky I suppose one side does seem to be a tad weaker than the other. For example, often a nurse would come in and ask him to raise his hands up. Upon doing so, one hand was maybe an inch lower than the other. To be honest I can't even remember which hand it was. As I stated he shows almost no signs of paralysis, nothing on his face and although I remember Judy saying that he had a slight limp, I didn't notice one.
It wasn't long before Robbie got restless and wanted to go for a walk. The nurse said it was okay, but to be careful with him. We left his room, and since there isn't much to see on his floor except for other recovering patients we took the elevator downstairs to the lobby where at least there's some eye candy in the form of a gift shop, a cafeteria etc. Robbie was looking at his nails and said he needed a nail clipper to clip them, so once off the elevator we headed to the pharmacy and got one. We wandered around, and other than being a little slow Robbie's walking was fine.

As anyone who has ever been in a hospital can attest to, there's not much to do, so I asked him if he wanted to step outside and get some fresh air. Also, he hadn't been outside since his episode so I figured that if he was up for it, that it would be good for him. He agreed and out the door we went. Before I go on, I want to backtrack a bit. As I mentioned Robbie had pretty much been in ICU before I arrived. Monday (the 9th) was his first day out, and it was then that he unexpectedly took his first walk. As relayed to me by his friend Scott, the doctors had told his family that he would likely have some paralysis, so when he got up to take a walk down the hallway everyone was pretty excited to say the least. Scott said it was unbelievable to watch the nurses and other hospital staff pop out to see Robbie walking. The look on their faces was incredulous, as one-by-one their jaws fell open with amazement. So that being said, we went outside. Robbie eyes grew wide, and he looked at me and said it was cold. Being that he was wearing nothing but the issued hospital robe, which is as we say in the industry "air conditioned", I gave him my jacket and we continued on our way. We walked around the hospital to an area where we could sit. Robbie clipped his nails and although we mostly just made some small talk, I could help but be in awe of Robbie. Just a couple of weeks earlier he was clinging to life in Neural ICU, and now barely two weeks after major brain surgery he was walking and talking and seeming to make progress on a daily basis. Truly amazing.

That night I went to dinner with Robbie's father, sister and Scott. We talked about how incredible Robbie's recovery has been. Robbie's father had an interesting comment on Robbie's progress. Saying something along the lines of that Robbie will come out of this because Robbie isn't the kind of person who would settle for anything less. I can second that motion. Although these things take time and patience, Robbie seems incredibly determined to recover, and he's already miles ahead of the curve. As I write this Robbie is being moved out of the hospital and into a rehab facility where he will continue to rehabilitate. I couldn't be happier for him and his family. Although Robbie is doing well I know he wasn't happy to be in the hospital, so getting him out of there is the next step in the process.
While most of the progress that I have spoken of till now has centered on his physical state, I wanted to say a few things about his mental state too. Robbie is very aware of what's going on, but it's important to note that he gets a little confused at times. I'm obviously not a doctor, so I'm hesitant to make any claims about what's going on in his head, but since I know that everyone that hasn't seen him is concerned I will try to explain his state as best I can from what I have seen. I have almost no experience with brain trauma, except for a close friend of mine whom in high school was found to have a brain tumor. She went in for surgery and had it removed and when she woke up she couldn't walk or talk or read or basically function like she used to. She had to learn all of that over, and it took her about six months to relearn everything and recover. I can only imagine that Robbie's aneurysm was worse than what she went through and while he's already walking and talking and reading it will take him time to get back to where he was.
As you talk to him, he may respond perfectly to a question such as, "How are you feeling?" However there are times when you ask him something that takes more thought and when he responds his eyes light up as if he's trying to work out the right answer. Sometimes he responds in kind, but there are many times that he'll start off answering the question and then he'll seem to lose his way and either stop talking or say the wrong thing. That is only to be expected at this point and the hope is that over time as his brain repairs itself and starts fixing the connections that were lost he will be able to express himself fully. After spending some time with him, I feel that there is no reason to have anything but the utmost optimism that he will make a full recovery.

Although no one can say what's going on in his head, you really can see him trying to figure things out. I have a strong feeling that many times he does gather his thoughts properly, but as he tries to communicate those feelings he runs into some sort of a mental roadblock and things don't come out as planned. On my last day I actually asked him some more intense questions about his state of mind. I asked him if he has headaches (He said he doesn't.) and if he's aware of things even if he's not able to properly respond fully. He said that he is most of the time, but that other times he's not so sure. I think he was trying to say that for the most part he is fully aware, but at times when he tries to think things can get a bit cloudy. When this happens you can see him get frustrated, but I think he too understands that it will take time.

When I asked him what it was like, and what was going through his head about everything that's going on, he took a moment to think, and said, "Well there are three things... First of all it's amazing that something like this comes along and you're just traumatized like." He wasn't able to find/get the words out further, but I think it's safe to assume that he was saying that all of a sudden something like this happens and everything changes. He is in good spirits, but he is definitely wrestling with what's going on. I suppose that's a good thing, or at least a normal thing and it made me feel better that he was aware enough of his situation to be having those thoughts. It shows that he's not just responding to outside stimuli, but that he's actually thinking about things. Unfortunately, a nurse came in to do therapy so I never got the rest of the three things. I do think it's important for anyone who goes to visit him to not just ask him the simple yes no questions. Like I said, he is aware of what's happening and you shouldn't be afraid to have a meaningful conversation with him about how he feels and what's going on. I think it helps him to talk about those things, and it helps everyone else to see that he really is making wonderful progress.

Finally, I'd like to say that we're all lucky to still have him around. While I was at the hospital I couldn't help but notice that there were about twenty people in the small lounge on Robbie's floor. They had been there all day and through the night sleeping on the floor or wherever they could find a chair, and you could tell by the look on their faces that they were deeply concerned about someone very dear to them. The following day as I walked by the lounge, to a person, they were all sobbing. It was clear that they had lost or were about to loose someone who was very important to them. I actually began thinking how lucky we are that Robbie has come out of this thing, as things could have easily gone the other way. It's amazing to think that of all the things you could say to someone who just had a massive aneurysm… the words "you're lucky" are usually the last thing that comes to mind. For some reason though, in this instance I'm proud to say that they feel just right.